***

Tonight, at 10:30pm, I am…

… dreading the 9am doctor appointment for Devin tomorrow. We went a few weeks ago for a checkup, for the first time since he was 12 months old… Unfortunately, he decided he definitely did not like the experience, and has since continued to remind me, at very random moments, that there will be ‘no doctor’ in the days activities. Add my gut-wrenching social anxiety to Devin’s certain tantrum, and, well, things are looking just peachy, aren’t they.

… pondering the phase of stubbornness and whinging that Devin is going through. I had been thinking that his behaviour was remarkably smooth for a two-year-old, and was waiting for the half-birthday snap. It’s a month late, but yes, we’re in difficult territory again. However, I’m also wondering how much of his behaviour is simply a reflection and reaction to my mood.

… feeling extremely flat and more stuck than ever. Every day is Groundhog Day. The only person achieving any personal growth and development around here is Devin. Things are just crap. And I’m letting them be that way.

… despite the above point, still feeling a constant yearning for another child.

… a bit chilly, and relieved that the weather is cooling down and that daylight saving is almost (finally) over.

… not ungrateful for my life. Just unhappy with it.

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